Yet again we have decided that my husband will work and I will stay home with the kids as soon as possible. This means a lot of things. It means that Morrel will be cutting down on classes so that he can work full time, and it means I have to come to terms with quitting a job I love (although I do NOT love it as much as I HATE being away from my kids). It also means that the car we were hoping to sell in order to catch up on bills has to stay, so that we can each have a car until I start staying home. It means that my husband's dreams of finishing school and becoming a pastor are put on hold so that my dream of being a stay at home mom and teaching my kids and caring for them and our home are suddenly "more important". So, why am I not as happy and excited as I should be? I feel like it is my fault that he can't finish school. I feel selfish. I feel like I just don't know how I feel.
So I am going to be grateful. Even before I can stay home (which will be sometime in May) I am going to start taking care of this house, and our kids like there is no tomorrow. I am going to be the mom and wife I want to be and stop waiting until I can stay home. If I start taking care of my end, then my husband will not feel so reluctant to work. And maybe if I can be thrifty enough as the homemaker we can eventually just live off of his housing allowance and VA Benefits. That would be fabulous! That way he can do school full time again.
So here is my TO DO LIST for the time being:
Keep the house CLEAN!
Plan menus by the week and save on groceries!
Keep laundry done and give away unused clothes!
Take care of the kids and stop asking for so much help from Morrel!
Wake up at 7am EVERY morning!
Spend the first 15 minutes of my morning in devotion and prayer!
Exercise at least 3 times per week!
Rely on my husband and put my faith in him regarding decisions and our future!
I may not be able to start all this at once, but I will work on all of them, and I may add more each week that I realize I'm falling short. I am determined to be this kind of woman. I will outdo myself.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Christmas Is Christmas No Matter How Small
So I was afraid that Christmas was going to be kind of...small this year. For one, usually we buy gifts for everyone. That's my two brothers, their two wives (two total, we're not into polygamy), my parents, my grandmother, and all 6 kids in the bunch (2 per family this year). So, since we were all so broke last year we adopted the "name draw" this year. So, all the adults get to buy for one other adult, plus still all 6 kids. So, it will be a small Christmas in that there are a lot less gifts flying around, maybe a lot more smiles since we won't all be wondering where the utility bill payment will come from, and the kids will all be showered with gifts. That's befitting though, because they don't understand that Christmas isn't about presents anyway. We adults understand the real deal, though. It's all about family, love, and Jesus! How do we teach our kids the message of Jesus on Christmas, even when their toddlers?
I found some great ideas! I want to, every year as a tradition, make an advent calendar out of brown lunch bags. Also, I want to wrap up 24 Christmas books and put under the tree and the kids will open one everyday of December as a "calendar" to Christmas too (LOVE that one). There are others, but I'm going to save some to share after I've tried them!
I found some great ideas! I want to, every year as a tradition, make an advent calendar out of brown lunch bags. Also, I want to wrap up 24 Christmas books and put under the tree and the kids will open one everyday of December as a "calendar" to Christmas too (LOVE that one). There are others, but I'm going to save some to share after I've tried them!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Mee
Mee...
Well I do know how to spell despite the "double e" in mee. (that is simply because of the URL specifics, if you're wondering). The things I love revolve around my family. I love to wake up and snuggle my babies in the early morning, before cooking, cleaning, dirty diapers, and cars honking outside ensue. It's kind of magical, that time in the morning when it's just us--maybe Abel lying next to me in bed and he's playing with my face (clawing it mostly), and he's smiling so perfectly at me. Or maybe I'm in Mickey's room trying to figure out what it is he's trying to say, or get me to do. Sometimes I just can't understand, but when they look at me with those eyes and those smiles I melt.
I also love to sprawl on the couch with the husband, my Morrel. We can just sit and enjoy each other. From the beginning, when we first met, we were inseparable (yes, even when we were off...again). We were best friends from the first time we met and enjoyed doing anything and everything together. It's still like that. So when he just wants to sit and read, we just sit and read, and it's fun. When he wants to drive around in the country, we do that too, and it's fun. He gets me too, so when I want to do something he doesn't enjoy, we can do our own thing.
Like, I enjoy to hang out with the girls. These include my sisters-in-law, my mom, and various women from church. We go see movies, out to eat, sometimes shopping (when it falls just right with all our paydays), sometimes just doing nothings (yes, I can do that with them too).
I also like to write. I am currently writing on about 3 young adult novels (but trying to finish one, so I'm writing on it a lot more). I love to write poetry, and love letters, and regular letters, and articles, and...well you get the picture. Now I am keeping a blog, and so far I love that too!
I also enjoy spending time with my family (my parents, my brothers). Morrel doesn't always appreciate this about me, because I can go to my parents' house and just sit on their couch, eat their food, talk to them some, and that's a great day/night for me. Well, he'd like sitting on our couch, eating our food, and talking to me just as much. So he doesn't quite get that, but that's okay.
I am a girl, so I like also like to be girly. I love to do new stuff with my hair and buy make-up and paint my nails. I love to buy new clothes and try new clothes on. I love to do diy projects out of old junk. Here recently I'm sort of obsessed with Pinterest for that reason. I love to take old stuff collecting dust and make really useful, beautiful things with it.
I also love to do the church work. I am a counselor in a Pathfinder Club and a leader in our church Women's group. I love seeing people light up for Jesus, and I hope they see me light up for Him as well. I hope everyone sees that in me. It's important for me.
Well I do know how to spell despite the "double e" in mee. (that is simply because of the URL specifics, if you're wondering). The things I love revolve around my family. I love to wake up and snuggle my babies in the early morning, before cooking, cleaning, dirty diapers, and cars honking outside ensue. It's kind of magical, that time in the morning when it's just us--maybe Abel lying next to me in bed and he's playing with my face (clawing it mostly), and he's smiling so perfectly at me. Or maybe I'm in Mickey's room trying to figure out what it is he's trying to say, or get me to do. Sometimes I just can't understand, but when they look at me with those eyes and those smiles I melt.
I also love to sprawl on the couch with the husband, my Morrel. We can just sit and enjoy each other. From the beginning, when we first met, we were inseparable (yes, even when we were off...again). We were best friends from the first time we met and enjoyed doing anything and everything together. It's still like that. So when he just wants to sit and read, we just sit and read, and it's fun. When he wants to drive around in the country, we do that too, and it's fun. He gets me too, so when I want to do something he doesn't enjoy, we can do our own thing.
Like, I enjoy to hang out with the girls. These include my sisters-in-law, my mom, and various women from church. We go see movies, out to eat, sometimes shopping (when it falls just right with all our paydays), sometimes just doing nothings (yes, I can do that with them too).
I also like to write. I am currently writing on about 3 young adult novels (but trying to finish one, so I'm writing on it a lot more). I love to write poetry, and love letters, and regular letters, and articles, and...well you get the picture. Now I am keeping a blog, and so far I love that too!
I also enjoy spending time with my family (my parents, my brothers). Morrel doesn't always appreciate this about me, because I can go to my parents' house and just sit on their couch, eat their food, talk to them some, and that's a great day/night for me. Well, he'd like sitting on our couch, eating our food, and talking to me just as much. So he doesn't quite get that, but that's okay.
I am a girl, so I like also like to be girly. I love to do new stuff with my hair and buy make-up and paint my nails. I love to buy new clothes and try new clothes on. I love to do diy projects out of old junk. Here recently I'm sort of obsessed with Pinterest for that reason. I love to take old stuff collecting dust and make really useful, beautiful things with it.
I also love to do the church work. I am a counselor in a Pathfinder Club and a leader in our church Women's group. I love seeing people light up for Jesus, and I hope they see me light up for Him as well. I hope everyone sees that in me. It's important for me.
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Three
Sometimes it seems like this house, all this stuff (myself included), and even my job belongs to these three boys.
For instance, this morning I didn't wake up to fix my hair and make-up for the day, or take a shower, read a book. I woke up when my baby wouldn't nurse back to sleep (although it's a miracle to get him to nurse more than twice in 24 hours these days anyway).
I get up, rock him and play with him until Mickey hollers from his bed "Mom! Pee pee PEEEE!" I take him to pee, make him a sippy of "shock shock" (chocolate milk), and set him up with some cartoons while I start breakfast.
I haven't yet bought into the lie that every other mother on the planet limits television of her two year old to less than 2 hours per day, so I don't feel guilty when I hear Spongebob and Sandy entertaining my kid while I cook eggs, again.
Breakfast cooked, plates set, babyfood warmed to the perfect temp for the little one.
Mickey go get daddy for breakfast. Go pee so we can eat.
"Dad! Eat eat eat! Pay Pay Pay!" (Pray pray pray).
We eat, I clean up (usually), do some laundry (most days this is a must), play with the kids for a bit, get ready for work WAY before I'm ready to. Kiss all three of my boys bye and leave for the hour commute to work.
I love my job, but I think about my kids and my husband the entire time I'm gone.
It gets tiresome.
Looking around here right now all I see is their stuff, and at some point taking care of them and all their stuff became my life and my stuff. About the same time all my stuff became theirs. Like my phone is Mickey's because thanks to Peekaboo Barn, he has a pet "tow tow" (cow) that lives inside of it. My room is Abel's because that's where he sleeps, and when he's sleeping, no one wants to go in there and risk waking him up. Of course my body, belongs to them all--for Abel to eat, Mickey to climb on like a jungle gym, and Morrel to, well, you know...
My favorite place is the shower. Just me and the warm water. I might pay dearly for that water when the bill comes in, but for that 15-20 minutes it's all mine. Mostly I just stand under the warm water and listen to the silence. It's golden. And it's mine.
For instance, this morning I didn't wake up to fix my hair and make-up for the day, or take a shower, read a book. I woke up when my baby wouldn't nurse back to sleep (although it's a miracle to get him to nurse more than twice in 24 hours these days anyway).
I get up, rock him and play with him until Mickey hollers from his bed "Mom! Pee pee PEEEE!" I take him to pee, make him a sippy of "shock shock" (chocolate milk), and set him up with some cartoons while I start breakfast.
I haven't yet bought into the lie that every other mother on the planet limits television of her two year old to less than 2 hours per day, so I don't feel guilty when I hear Spongebob and Sandy entertaining my kid while I cook eggs, again.
Breakfast cooked, plates set, babyfood warmed to the perfect temp for the little one.
Mickey go get daddy for breakfast. Go pee so we can eat.
"Dad! Eat eat eat! Pay Pay Pay!" (Pray pray pray).
We eat, I clean up (usually), do some laundry (most days this is a must), play with the kids for a bit, get ready for work WAY before I'm ready to. Kiss all three of my boys bye and leave for the hour commute to work.
I love my job, but I think about my kids and my husband the entire time I'm gone.
It gets tiresome.
Looking around here right now all I see is their stuff, and at some point taking care of them and all their stuff became my life and my stuff. About the same time all my stuff became theirs. Like my phone is Mickey's because thanks to Peekaboo Barn, he has a pet "tow tow" (cow) that lives inside of it. My room is Abel's because that's where he sleeps, and when he's sleeping, no one wants to go in there and risk waking him up. Of course my body, belongs to them all--for Abel to eat, Mickey to climb on like a jungle gym, and Morrel to, well, you know...
My favorite place is the shower. Just me and the warm water. I might pay dearly for that water when the bill comes in, but for that 15-20 minutes it's all mine. Mostly I just stand under the warm water and listen to the silence. It's golden. And it's mine.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Beginning
This all began almost 3 years ago to the day. According to my calculations I concieved my first baby exactly 3 years ago (tomorrow). On the fifth of december my roommates went out of town and my (on again, off again) boyfriend came over to share a bottle of Irish cream liquor by the fire.
Needless to say, about 3 weeks later, after spending Christmas with my cousin (who was "with child"), I realized (while on my way home from work) that I was a week late. We all know what that means. I went to Dollar General and purchased two pregnancy tests (because we never believe the first one). I went home and took the first one...two lines. Held my breath, held back my tears, and took the second one...two lines.
Considering that this was one of our "off again" moments, my world shook, and the tears came, and nothing really was clear...except that second line. That line was very clear.
That second line cleared up just about everything in my view, and that (on again off again) boyfriend came distinctly into focus too.
The rest as we say, is history (or HIStory) because as it turns out, his story is where mine began, and my story is full of boys, with their own stories...
My Morrel
My Mickey &
My Abel
These three and mee make up my story!
Needless to say, about 3 weeks later, after spending Christmas with my cousin (who was "with child"), I realized (while on my way home from work) that I was a week late. We all know what that means. I went to Dollar General and purchased two pregnancy tests (because we never believe the first one). I went home and took the first one...two lines. Held my breath, held back my tears, and took the second one...two lines.
Considering that this was one of our "off again" moments, my world shook, and the tears came, and nothing really was clear...except that second line. That line was very clear.
That second line cleared up just about everything in my view, and that (on again off again) boyfriend came distinctly into focus too.
The rest as we say, is history (or HIStory) because as it turns out, his story is where mine began, and my story is full of boys, with their own stories...
My Morrel
My Mickey &
My Abel
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