I am reading a book in which the author wrote himself a letter at the age of 20 which remained sealed until he was 40. What an interesting idea! Unfortunately I am such a boring twenty-something that I'm not sure I would change all that much in 20 years--20 years of adulthood, that is. I have changed drastically in just 10 years growing from childhood to adulthood, however. I wish I had had the forethought to pen myself a letter 10 years ago; I wish I had done it 15 years ago. We are all so different as children, aren't we?
I was listening to my favorite radio station the other day (Air1) in which the cast was discussing how we as people tend to laugh less into adulthood. How many times per day do you laugh? I am sad to say that I laugh less than 10 times per day, and find it annoying when other people laugh like children. The fact is that I wish I laughed like a child more often. It's something that I miss.
I just recently shopped at our local library's annual book sale. There were fiction books, religious, historical, and children's, but the largest volume of books were of one kind: romance novels. There is a reason that women are drawn toward romantic books and movies. It's the love story. We all miss it. Even as a happily married wife of going-on 5 years I miss the story of our love. I miss the "falling", and I think a lot of others do as well. It's not that I'm not happy; it's not even that I'm bored. I miss the goofy, laugh of my love. I miss the good-hearted, belly-laugh of my life. Where did it go?
If I had written myself a letter 10 years ago, knowing what I know now it would go something like this:
Rachel,
By now you are 26. I have no idea what types of things you'll be doing. You may have kids. Maybe you have a job, a husband, maybe a dog or cat. All I know is what I am. I'm a 16 year old. I'm a new driver, a rebellious daughter, a thriving student, and a Christian. That sounds like just about every 16 year old, right (well, maybe not the bit about a thriving student)?
Truth-be-told I'm a new driver, but I am pretty good at it. I drive a giant truck, one known around town as "Big Blacky". My big brother taught me to drive it, teaching me how a stick-shift works, and telling me that if I could drive that big truck I could drive anything. It felt pretty awesome to get such a compliment from him. I hope you remember that. I may be a rebellious teenager, but there are a lot of people around me that rally around me; they want the best for me. Because they are all here I know that they will still be here when I screw up. Remember them--remember who is here right now. I don't appreciate them now, but maybe you will. I am a thriving student, but what you don't know is that I don't really try that hard. Maybe if I tried I'd do a lot better. Remember that. Remember that I'm not trying all that hard at 16 and doing great, so if you aren't trying all that hard at 26, try harder. Do better. You can do just about anything, can't you? Remember that. Finally, I'm a Christian. Sometimes a hard pill to swallow for a 16 year old, yes. But I love it. I love this great big God I serve, the church family I have, the morals my parents instilled in me, and even the funny looks I get sometimes for going to church on Saturday.
I sound pretty solid, huh? That being said, if you're in any way screwed up at 26, it's your doing, not mine. What's great about it is that you can always fix it, can't you? Don't forget who I am. Don't forget who you were, and who you can be.
Rachel
That might be how the 16 year old me would write to me through a decade of time. However, if she could speak to me, face to face, she'd say something like "you may be happy, but you used to make people happy. You may smile a lot, but you used to make people smile a lot. You may enjoy the innocence of your children, but you used to be one of them. LAUGH!!". How we forget this as adults.
