Light Bulb

I am a woman.  By nature I am a feelings-oriented person.  That does not mean I am only feelings-oriented, or that my feelings outweigh my logic or common-sense.  It only means that I have emotions--they run deep and they are sometimes strong.  My past plays a large role in my emotions.  It shouldn't, but it does.  

Right now my emotions are getting me into trouble.  My husband, who is amazing and wants to only do right by me and our boys, who wants to take his place as the head of our household--the King of Our Castle.  I am having trouble with this because I'm a woman.  I'm sorry to have to play the gender card, but that is my problem. 

Female.
       Woman.

   Girl.
             Lady.
     Wife.
Mom.

I'm not sure men quite understand how much weight comes with the title of "woman", how much pressure can come with the job.  Sorry, jobs.  

First there are the two first and most important jobs--those created for woman, those woman were created for.  God created woman to be a companion, a help meet, to her husband.  He also created her to "be fruitful and multiply".  Yes, that job was given to both man and woman, but without the woman, it would be impossible.  God had a plan and it started with creating a partnership that put man at the top.  Perfect world, yes?

No.

Then Satan happened, the serpent, the fruit, Eve partaking of the forbidden fruit, sharing with Adam, and finally getting hurled out of the garden (figuratively speaking). 

Perfect world, gone.

Then began the  punishment--Eve would have painful childbirth (which many of us have experienced), and not only would remain the lesser equal in the partnership of marriage, but would seek to be like her husband.  Eve would forever be under the rule, care, and protection of her partner, yet always seeking more, wanting more.  Thank you, Eve.  

I am now stuck in this nightmare called "leaving Eden" and I feel like I am constantly restarting my journey into being the kind of wife that I picture Eve was, walking hand-in-hand with Adam, eyes downcast, whispering her apologies in between tearful kisses, holding the hands of small children.  


I want to be someone my husband is proud of