When Facebook Becomes Unfriendly

What do you do when your non-Christian friends are nicer than your Christian ones? 

Sometimes (especially on Facebook), it seems like the non-Christian or "unchurched" or "non-attending" are more pleasant, more understanding, and kinder than those who you sit next to in church every week! 

If you find yourself defending your behavior, your doctrines, and your lifestyle on Facebook, it's safe to assume that perhaps you have less "friends" than you think on the social media website. 

I don't know about you, but when I post something on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram I do so for one of a few reasons: to share what's important to me, to share frustrations of mine, or to get advice. Usually it is fairly clear what the point of my posts are. If I want advice I will usually ask. If I want to share an experience I will most likely post a picture to accompany my post. If I'm frustrated...my friends know. It is in my tone. 

So when I post a happy exclamation about an experience with my family, maybe with a photo attached, I do so to share it with family and friends. I do so in order to broaden the experience. I want my "friends" to be happy alongside me. I want my children to know that the experience meant something to me. And also, let's face it. 

I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I have exactly 2 hours of uninterrupted time on a good day. That's the time I have to make calls, pay bills, return emails, write, etc. Basically my day revolves around nap time--planning for my most productive hours to fall in that time, and scheduling everything else so that we're at home for nap time. It's really exhausting, and I have little time for socializing. 

For this reason, Facebook is a big outlet for me to vent, share, and aspire. But, when I log on and notifications are full of comments of judgements and prejudices, my heart sinks. When my newsfeed is full of my fellow Christian brothers and sisters complaining about the "heathens" of the world my heart breaks. I wonder, who sees these things? Who is their audience? 

If I'm the audience, then this online behavior just makes me question the humanity of fellow Christians. And if the "unchurched" is the audience, they see Christians as demeaning and judgmental. 

Much of the time we post a status, or a retort on someone else's status without thinking of the audience. The truth is that we can have one bad day, and when we "friend" a new person they will search backward and see that one bad day when we said something awful about our neighbor taking our parking space, our church deacon taking his children trick-or-treating (gasp!), or the new couple who came to church with sleeve tattoos. 
Our audience is bigger than we can ever imagine. 

Think about this: with Facebook you have an opportunity to effect hundreds (maybe thousands) of people. You don't have any control over how they will interpret your activities online, so you may have hundreds (or thousands) of people out there who have been hurt, offended, or who may agree and share it with their friends who may be hurt or offended. We never know. What we do know it that the odds of a real life interaction being misinterpreted is fairly slim. Body language, tone, and verbal interaction combines to make an inevitable connection. And you have control over it. 

Consider the possibilities. You can wreak havoc on the internet, or you can make a real life connection with a real life to it. You can be more understood, and more understanding. You can change someone for the better, and it might be you. 

When I grew up there was a saying "A picture is worth a thousand words". 

Well I do not agree with this statement anymore. Over the last decade nearly every person has gotten a digital camera to keep in their pocket. Photos are taken at nearly every instant of life. Photos can be manipulated in such a fashion that the images depicted don't even have to be present to photograph. The fact of the matter is, the pictures are not worth much anymore. I see pictures of my nieces and nephews fairly often, but if I had them here with me to even speak 500 words with me, I'd trade it for all the pictures in the world. Nothing can replace a real life connection. Nothing can replace hearing my kids talk to me (even when they're so frustrating and repetitive). 

I heard a study on the radio not to long ago that said a phone call with a loved one releases the same endorphins as receiving a hug. 

How long has it been since you spoke with a loved one on the phone? Texting, MessageMe, Facebook IMing do not count. Do you know your loved ones' phone numbers? When is the last time you dialed them? 

There is a lot of press swirling around the internet about putting down our phones and enjoying the people around you. That is an encouragement, but not very many are making a change--myself included. Until this week. Everyday for three days I have talked to someone I love on the phone. Sometimes I don't have much time, but I dial anyway and talk for a few minutes. Sometimes my kids are screaming in my ear while I'm trying to talk, but that's okay. The people I love know that I made an effort. They also know what my life is like because they hear my life through the phone line. 

I hope you can do the same. Find something to do, and follow through to make your real life more real for you and those you love--because, let's face it, your real life is all you'll have left someday. You don't often see the little old ladies in the nursing homes Instagramming their knitting circle. No. They have to make friends with their neighbors, roommates, and staff. Don't wait until it's too late, because just like everything else, you can forget how to talk to people if you don't make it a priority.